April Fools Day Song: Andross Slayer
by Foxpilot
Summary: The original Star Fox in song. To the theme of MadHatter's "Ganon Slayer" I own neither. For April Fool's Day.


"**Well, here we are again. This time, I wrote a parody of a parody of a video game! This is to the tune of 'Ganon Slayer' by MadHatter. I do not own the song, Star Fox, or onything else involved with this.**

"**This is just my submission for April Fool's Day. It is not intended to be extremely serious or excellent or whatever. It's just a joke, so lighten up!**

"**This is based off of the original Star Fox game for the SNES and the accompanying comic from Nintendo Power. I know they are non-canon, but they probably fit best. Besides, so you really want one of these based off of Assault? I thought not. I hope you enjoy. Let it…Begin!**

SFSFSFSFSFSFSFSFSFSF

(Music plays)

I fly through Lylat shootin' my guns!

I got mad credits, hella fun!

I'm on a quest to eliminate Andross

So I can prove that I'm the boss!

Just because I like to barrel roll

And deflect your fire from my hull

That don't mean you hafta hate!

Extinguishing thrusters is my fate!

So I roam Lylat in eternal night!

Looking for squadrons, looking to fight!

Andross has an army but I am much greater!

My name is Fox and I'm a hater exterminator!

Don't dogfight, I shoot hard.

I'll send you to a starship scrap yard!

Sky, space, land, space

A warped black hole as a base!

I gotta blow up Andross' head

So no innocents end up dead!

(_Check it_!)

I'll be sure to make that happen;

I fly way better than I'm rappin'!

(_Hell yeah_!)

Fara Phoenix is my lust.

Do the rich girl over, I must

Expunge Venom from the stars

I won't stop 'till Andross is dead or behind bars!

That's right fool!

I'm comin' for your metal monkey ass!

Ain't nothing gonna stop me!

Send your best fleets,

Your life is mine!

(_Mutha f*****_!)

(Musical interlude)

I stop to listen to Peppy's advice

He's a good guy, experience wise.

Here's what to me he told:

"Do a barrel roll!" …Old goat.

At least I don't have to rough on my own;

My team's behind me, killing some drones.

We're blowing up tons of men,

Starships, turrets, and that bio-weapon.

All you Flea fighters aren't worth a cred,

Your commanders should stay in bed!

Lots of folks fear robots, right?

Well I'm not scared of some mechanized might!

Bring it on, bitches, come on!

If you get in my sights you won't last long!

Compare me to Dad, I don't care!

The rich Fara loves me, so there!

(_Sexy_!)

Shoot me, bomb me, blow me up!

I'll get a shield ring, it'll fix me up!

I'm an ace, it's not fair;

Twenty-to-one, no sweat in my hair!

Send in your carriers, they can die, too!

Andross, I'm after you!

(_So Fox continued his fight._

_Taking the strength of the Hyper Laser into his Arwing,_

_He flew over the defense zones of Venom_

_And entered the underground base of the scientist._

_Within was his greatest foe;_

_Fox was prepared to take out Andross forever._)

(Musical interlude)

I shoot and I weave and I roll and I bomb!

When I finally see Andross I'll kill him for Mom!

But Venom is deep, this passage complex.

But I'll still kill the bastard, Lylat's hex!

The starship was in my way

A bomb killed that bore;

Some fighters tried to stop me;

I killed the whole horde!

I keep flying through and I save Slippy's hide

Yeah, I keep even him from being fried!

I blast some more foes, leaving none for my team

Though my shields are now low, it's so worth every scream!

I missed that shield ring, I can hardly fly!

I can hardly stay up, but if I crash, I die!

But still I go on without one regret;

I'll save Lylat, I'm not gone yet!

Pilot and Arwing, no rest

Venom Depths, my quest

Here to destroy the mad ape's lair!

My name is Fox; I'm Andross' slayer!

Pilot and Arwing, no rest

Venom Depths, my quest

Here to destroy the mad ape's lair!

My name is Fox; I'm Andross' slayer!

I found one last bomb in an enemy swarm

And I flew past the doors blocking the core!

Now I'm outside of the cave where Andross now hides

I hear that the best place to shoot is at his eyes.

I go in and shoot at the red pair

But to my surprise he blows out some grey squares!

I rolled out of the way only to hit one; I fear

The metal-on-metal may have ruined my ear!

I continue to shoot and blow out one eye

I now am sure that Andross will die!

I blew out the other to reveal the core

Then I must have shot five bombs and caused machine gore!

Now Andross is gone, Lylat's not whack

I'm the system's hero, Fara is on her back!

The battle is over, my team is on high!

One last time our Arwings cut the sky!

Pilot and Arwing, no rest

Venom Depths, my quest

Here to destroy the mad ape's lair!

My name is Fox; I'm Andross' slayer!

Pilot and Arwing, no rest

Venom Depths, my quest

Here to destroy the mad ape's lair!

My name is Fox; I'm Andross' slayer!

(_Slayer_!)

(Music winds down to the end)

SFSFSFSFSFSFSFSFSFSF

"So, Star Fox, what do you think? A good representation of your work, right?" Star Fox, including Fara Phoenix, sat in General Pepper's office. They had just heard Pepper's idea for relating the tales of the Lylat War to the younger masses. At first, the team was speechless. Fara was the first to recover.

"That was the dumbest thing I have ever heard."

SFSFSFSFSFSFSFSFSFSF

"**And, end! Wow, that was easier than I thought! Okay, yeah, I know; I should never rap. This is why. Hell, I even censored one part because it didn't feel right to put it in completely! Rather pathetic, huh?**

"**Huh, even though this was based off of the original canon, I still managed to put in "Do a barrel roll!" Well, Peppy does say that in the original as well, right? So it fits…kind of.**

"**Look, just don't hate me okay? It's a story for April Fool's Day and was done in about an hour or something. It's not my best work, but I still like it for what it is: a parody of a parody. You might not find it funny, but that doesn't mean you have to be nasty about it. You got me? Good. Ciao chow!**


End file.
